If networking worked the way people say it does, more of us would already be further along.

We wouldn’t be sitting in our third “great conversation” of the month wondering why nothing ever comes from it. We wouldn’t keep hearing, “You’re doing all the right things,” while watching less capable people get tapped for opportunities we were never told existed.

So let’s say this plainly:
The issue isn’t effort. It’s strategy.

And for Black professionals especially, traditional networking advice has never been enough, because it ignores how power actually moves.

Networking Isn’t the Same as Career Movement

Networking is about access.
Career advancement is about influence.

That gap matters.

You can have access to people who like you, enjoy talking to you, and genuinely think you’re smart — and still not move an inch. Because liking you isn’t the same as advocating for you. And conversation isn’t the same as leverage.

Most of us were taught to chase proximity.
What we actually need is alignment with power.

Why This Feels Harder for Us (Because It Is)

A lot of career advice assumes:

• You’re already inside informal networks
  
• You’re being evaluated generously
  
• Your ambition is seen as natural, not threatening

That’s not the reality many Black professionals are navigating.

We’re often outside the rooms where real decisions happen. We’re over-coached and under-backed. We’re encouraged to “build relationships” without anyone explaining which relationships actually matter — or why some doors stay closed no matter how polite we are.

So when networking doesn’t work, it can start to feel personal.

It’s not.

The Shift That Changes Everything

Here’s the reframe most of us never get:

Stop asking, “How do I network better?”
Start asking, “Who needs to trust me for my career to move?”

That question does a few important things.

It narrows your focus.
It saves your energy.
And it forces you to think about outcomes, not optics.

Because not every relationship is meant to advance your career — and that’s okay. The mistake is treating all connections as equal when they’re not.

What Career-Advancing Relationships Actually Look Like

They’re quieter than you expect.

They’re built over time, usually around work, not small talk. They show up as someone looping you into a conversation you weren’t invited to. Someone asking for your perspective in front of others. Someone saying your name when you’re not in the room.

These relationships don’t require you to perform, over-explain, or prove your worth every time you speak. They grow because there’s trust, consistency, and mutual respect.

And yes, sometimes they involve people who don’t look like you. That’s real. But they should never require you to shrink to fit.

Let’s Talk About Self-Betrayal (Because It Sneaks In)

A lot of us were taught that advancement means adaptation.

Smile more.
Tone it down.
Don’t be “too much.”
Be grateful for the opportunity.

But if building relationships requires you to constantly edit yourself, you’re not building power , you’re surviving.

Career-advancing relationships shouldn’t drain you. They shouldn’t leave you second-guessing who you are. And they definitely shouldn’t feel like a performance review in disguise.

If it costs you your integrity, the price is too high.

What to Do Instead

Be clear about where you’re going, even if it feels uncomfortable to say out loud.

Let your work speak before you do. Impact carries further than personality ever will.

Pay attention to who listens, who remembers, and who follows through. Those patterns matter.

And most importantly, stop assuming every connection is supposed to turn into something. Some people are conversations. Others are catalysts. Learning the difference is part of the strategy.

This Is Bigger Than Networking

This is about choosing relationships that move you forward without asking you to disappear in the process.

Black professionals don’t need more mixers, more coffee chats, or more vague encouragement.

We need clarity.
We need advocacy.
We need relationships built on trust, not performance.

And once you start moving with that understanding, everything changes.

Key Takeaways

• Networking isn’t broken, it’s just incomplete
  
• Career movement requires influence, not just access
  
• Not every relationship is meant to advance you
  
• You shouldn’t have to shrink to build power